Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Painful reality

Today was hard. The last few weeks have been hard.

I'm not one to post about my personal life, although sharing the ups and downs of pregnancy is pretty personal. But I mean the really deep stuff, like the life...and the death. 

My Dad has been battling Parkinson's for many years now. And while it's been a struggle for a few years, this year has really taken its toll. It's proved that even the strongest men can't always win the battle. Sadly, its a disease that truly takes away some of the simplest joys that many of us overlook. The ability to carry on a conversation or enjoying your favorite foods, the things we all take for granted. It's been a rough few months watching my father lose his ability to swallow, to talk, to move around on his own. He has always been a strong man, an athletic man, and witnessing those things falter has been emotionally draining. And while I feel drained, I can only imagine how he feels. It breaks my heart to know he has so much to say, so much to express, but his mind and body don't necessarily allow it. I feel his frustrations and his pain through his eyes. Those sparkly blue eyes with the endless crinkles from all the laughs, they're slowly beginning to fade. And its devastating. 

Today we made the decision to transition to hospice and it was hard. Really hard. The comfort I have from this decision is knowing that we're doing what he wants, what he requested many years ago. And while I know he hasn't lost the battle yet, I'm realistic enough to know his days are limited and I need to savor all of our moments together. We tell him stories of the good 'ol days and the smiles we get in return are what get me through the tough moments. But nothing will ever make this easier, nothing can prepare you for the finals weeks or days.

I wish I could say there was a purpose to this post- a message of hope but in reality it's simply my way of coping. Typing without reading what I'm saying is sometimes cathartic. So I'll leave you with this- enjoy every moment with your loved ones, I know we all say it but actually doing it is the important part. Cherish the good moments, forgive the bad ones and love unconditionally. It isn't always easy but it's always worth it.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Merry (belated) Christmas!!!

I feel slightly fancy as I type this from my new MacBook Pro. To say I'm spoiled by the Hubby is a slight understatement. I'm not even sure how I managed to get this, I don't even remember saying I wanted one...but damn is it slightly awesome. The fact that I can now prop up on the couch and watch tv while blogging, well that's just fan-freakin-tastic! Before I was isolated upstairs in the office with minimal human contact, I much prefer this set up.

Christmas has come and gone but the holiday spirit continues to live on with our twinkling Christmas tree and fabulous winter green smells through out the house. It took me forever to finally set up all the Christmas gear this year and now it's time to take it all down....why does it pass so quickly? working Christmas Eve and day didn't help, I feel like I hardly got to enjoy the magic of it all. But it will be worth it next year when I have it off and we celebrate Landon's first Christmas. I can't freaking wait!!!

For my beloved supporters, I should be getting my cd with baby shower pictures tomorrow so next blog post shall be filled with an abundance of baby bumps. Until then, I leave you with our weekly update:

 I seriously adore this picture! And the fact that it sorta kinda has Mieko Saki in it makes it that much better. Can we please talk about how AWESOME my scrub top is?

How far along? 31 weeks 5 days (in picture)
Total weight gain/loss: 22ish, we'll see what the Doc says at our appt next week
Maternity clothes? Rocking' the comfy waistbands on the reg
Stretch marks? Negatory, this belly is a beaut!
Sleep: Still sucky. I don't think it will ever return to normal
 Best moment this week: Spending Christmas evening with my Studly, Mieko Saki, Mommy & PB. So glad we got a little family time in after a long day of work.
Miss Anything? Sleep. A day without heartburn. Sleep.
Movement: All day, every day.
Food cravings: SPRINKLE COOKIES from Publix...every cookie tastes better and better.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing too terrible this week
Have you started to show yet: This belly is legit now.
Gender prediction: Mister <3
Labor Signs: Zero, Zip, Nada
Belly Button in or out? Rockin' the outtie and it feels funny!
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy but I've had my emotional meltdowns this week. BUT they were acceptable considering some of the circumstances. 
Looking forward to: A few days of relaxation....which I don't really see happening in the near future...but a girl can dream!

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Feelin' like a Pregasauraus

Look at me, actually on time for a post! Sadly, I don't have the baby shower pictures yet so for the few that keep asking- simmer down, they'll be up soon. I was planning on taking some pictures of the nursery but I have yet to receive the baby bedding so we shall wait for that too. And to continue adding to the excuses...my sweet husband passed on a miserable cold and all I've wanted to do is curl up in bed and sleep- which is impossible because I can't breathe. Clearly, I'm winning this week!

So after taking this weeks picture I officially feel HUGE! It's a huge that I gladly accept though. The only depressing thing is not being able to buy clothes during all the Christmas sales. I have no idea what preggo after effects will be like and I want that shit to fit. Sigh. Good news for Dennis though, our bank account is thankful for Mr. Landon.

And now for the usual business:

How far along? 30 weeks 4 days
Total weight gain/loss: 22 lbs (103 to 125)
Maternity clothes? Rockin' the longer (& oh so comfy) maternity shirts
Stretch marks? I have to admit, this belly is pretty glorious looking- aka no marks!
Sleep: Sucky! Stupid cold!
 Best moment this week: Christmas shopping with my Mommy <3
Miss Anything? Sleep.
Movement: All day, every day.
Food cravings: SPRINKLE COOKIES from Publix. Mmmm
Anything making you queasy or sick: Tonight's dinner sure did. I stood over the bushes in the parking lot for a few minutes on the cusp of puking it all up. #SoOverIt
Have you started to show yet: I'm HUGE (in this picture)
Gender prediction: Mister <3
Labor Signs: Zero, Zip, Nada
Belly Button in or out? Rockin' the outtie
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: According to the man in the post office today I was "raging hormones". To excuse myself I'd like to say it was EXTREMELY hot in there and I was having a mild meltdown. haha
Looking forward to: I suppose Christmas even though I'll be stuck working. I'm pumped for Studly to open his BIG gift. Pretty sure he's gonna love it and that makes me oh so excited!

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Friday, December 12, 2014

After much demand...

Well...that was quite a sabbatical. Good news is I had numerous requests for a Landon update which means people actually read this thing, who knew? I'm making this short and sweet and loaded with pictures because...
A: I'm tired and pictures are easier.
B: I have to go back to work in the morning which means I should start sleeping now since Landon will for sure wake me up at 2am for his nightly dance party.
C: I'm mainly just too lazy to be witty tonight.

Week 27- Thanksgiving with John & Lindsay was a huge success. Loved having them here! And here are a few family pictures because Lindsay couldn't stop snapping away <3
27 weeks 5 days

Week 28
28 weeks 6 days

And finally Week 29
29 weeks 6 days (Post work selfie)

Please be kind to the awful picture above. This was post a 12 hour shift along with being up since 2 am. 

How far along? Today marks the end of 29 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 21 lbs (103-124)
Maternity clothes? Old Navy maternity section became my favorite place. I needed new shirts because this belly is making everything extra short.
Stretch marks? Still going strong without any
Sleep: Awful. Landon likes to have 2 am dance parties on a nightly basis. Of course its almost ALWAYS before I work. Running on fumes lately.
 Best moment this week: Honestly, the last few weeks has just been full of family time and fun! We had Thanksgiving and then the baby shower which was beautiful and painting the nursery with my seesters and Mama in Law. So I guess just the memories of all that
Miss Anything? I stupidly had the tiniest little sip of Papa Bear's sangria at Carrabas and dear god did that make me miss it that much more. What was I thinking?
Movement: All the time but mostly when I'm nice and calm.
Food cravings: Publix sprinkle cookies. I've wanted them for the last 2 days. Hopefully I get my fix tomorrow.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Eh, I've been pretty good lately.
Symptoms: Reflux...ugh!
Have you started to show yet: All belly!
Gender prediction: Our baby boy <3
Labor Signs: Keep em away!
Belly Button in or out? That baby is OUT!
Wedding rings on or off? On!
Happy or Moody most of the time: I have come to realize that my patience is completely GONE! I'm mainly happy but when things annoy me...it's no bueno.
Looking forward to: Finishing up the nursery! It looks absolutely amazing right now and I'll be posting pictures soon. Maybe next post I'll have pictures back from the baby shower as well.

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Thursday, November 20, 2014

13 weeks to go...

Excuse the repeat board, with minor changes of course. I was on my way out (running late as usual) when Studly casually mentioned how pretty I looked. Made my little heart melt. I decided I must capture the cuteness before leaving which meant little time to redo the beloved board. I say cute outfit outranks the board this time around. I was so excited Florida finally decided to jump on the "cold weather" bandwagon. I got to wear boots 2 days in a row, probably shouldn't have worn them today but I play by my own rules with this crazy, unpredictable weather. I really need to live somewhere cooler. I adore sweaters and boots far too much for a Florida girl. Funny thing is, the sweater I'm wearing in this picture, I used to wear as a dress. Can't do that anymore with that belly and booty!

How far along? 26 weeks 5 days (in the picture, which was taken yesterday)
Total weight gain/loss: 20 lbs
Maternity clothes? My Mommy spoiled me with some cute leggings so I can stay away from the dreaded maternity pants. But I'm pleased the say the pants in this picture are still my regular pants. Woop woop!
Stretch marks? Nope!
Sleep: Not too shabby lately
 Best moment this week: Studly got home late from work and laid down with us. He rubbed my belly but no kicking from Mr. Landon was felt so he decided to give him a little poke and say "Hey you, wake up!" and a second later his hand got the biggest and strongest kick/punch I have yet to feel. I'm pretty sure he was saying 'Hey Papa, let a kid sleep will ya!"  Studly's surprised reaction was my favorite.
Miss Anything? I really wanted a sub this week. Stupid deli meat craving!
Movement: Every day. All day.
Food cravings: Publix or Jack's Sub Shack yummy ultimate sub
Anything making you queasy or sick: Well last week I decided to stop the nausea meds but unfortunately I only made it 3 days before I felt miserable again. Soooo I continue the 1 a day pill popping.
Have you started to show yet: I'm all about that bump <3
Gender prediction: Love my little boy <3
Labor Signs: No thank you.
Belly Button in or out? I guess it's pretty much out
Wedding rings on or off? ON!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy is the way to go
Looking forward to: Holy moly, John and Lindsay getting here next Tuesday! And then Turkey Day and then BABY SHOWER! The next 2 weeks are gonna be AWESOME!!!

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Selfie sabotage....

Well...I attempted a selfie...more like a 10 second timer selfie and it's not the greatest. But you know what, desperate times call for desperate measures! Studly is stuck at work till who knows when and tomorrow I work which means the weekly picture had to be done today. Normal pictures shall resume next week. We can't always be awesome ;-)

How far along? 25 weeks 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: According to the doctor's office...20 lbs!!! (103 to 123)
Maternity clothes? Are the death of me. I tried on approximately 15 pairs of maternity pants (ok, maybe like 6) and they were AWFUL! Thankfully I found ONE single pair that looked cute. Whoever designs those things sucks at their job. Little people need options too. I'm so sorry the only thing growing is my belly and my chicken legs still fit into skinny jeans. And that's the end of my rant.
Stretch marks? Still holding on to hope of not getting these suckers
Sleep: Getting better, minus last night. BUT tonight I get to test out my brand new belly pillow so hopefully it works wonders.
 Best moment this week: One of my very best friends announcing her pregnancy!!! I can't wait for Landon to meet his future best friend and/or girlfriend! So so excited for you Jenna Bug & Brian!!!
Miss Anything? The days of no reflux
Symptoms: The last week I have officially discovered what reflux/heart burn feels like and let me tell ya- I HATE IT! I have decided that Landon will be tormenting me during the entire pregnancy and then when he makes his arrival he will become a sweet angel boy. Anyone who says otherwise can suck it. ;-)
Movement: He's a mover & shaker
Food cravings: Eh, not really. When am I gonna have these crazy craving you hear about where I wake up Dennis in the middle of the night and make him go on a hunt to find it. I need some good stories out of this pregnancy!
Anything making you queasy or sick: I've been pretty good lately. Today is day 2 of no nausea meds...lets see if it lasts!
Have you started to show yet: He's still tiny but he's definitely there.
Gender prediction: BOY oh BOY!
Labor Signs: Zero. Zip. Nada.
Belly Button in or out? half innie half outie?
Wedding rings on or off? ON!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy
Looking forward to: THANKSGIVING WITH MY BROTHER AND LINDSAY!!! It's only 2 weeks aways!!!!

Keeping this on the shorter side because I'm too lazy to think of anything else to write.

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Birds flying high...you know how I feel....

Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
I'm feeling good
How far along? 24 weeks 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: 18.6 lbs (103 to 121.6)
Maternity clothes? Seeing as how I only have ONE pair of pants that fit me now, I think I'll need to invest in some STAT!
Stretch marks? Still going strong without any
Sleep: AWESOME this week
 Best moment this week: Having 5 whole days of feeling FAN-freakin-TASTIC!!! After feeling like crap for 5.5 months this was...heaven sent. Lets hope it continues!!!
Miss Anything? Too many people talked to me about sangria this week so I still miss that....tremendously
Movement: TONS! But never when people rub my belly in hopes of feeling little man. He likes to play games.
Food cravings: Yesterday on my way to work the only thing I wanted was pound cake, cool whip, and strawberries. Mmmm still sounds delish!
Anything making you queasy or sick: I took a bite of baked potato and it had sour cream on it (even though I said butter only) and I almost threw up in my mouth. BUT that would happen regardless of pregnancy.
Have you started to show yet: I officially need to retire my old scrubs, so yes.
Gender prediction: Baby BOY!
Labor Signs: No thanks!
Belly Button in or out? Almost out....
Wedding rings on or off? On!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: One month till BABY SHOWER!!!!

Short post due to sleepiness and work manana...

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Thursday, October 30, 2014

It's all a bunch of Hocus Pocus...

Happy All Hallows Eve Folks!
I've never been a huge lover of Halloween, simply because I was never into dressing whorish like the majority of peeps now a days. BUT I must say, the thought of celebrating Halloween NEXT year makes me BEYOND excited. I need to start planning the best family costume ever. Studly has already been informed of his future and yes, he's already complaining. The thought of dressing little Landon up and pulling him around in his wagon, ugh I die with excitement! 

"All Hallows Eve has become a night of frolic, where children wear costumes and run amok"
"Amok! Amok! Amok! Amok!"

Be prepared for random quotes from the greatest Halloween movie ever scattered randomly through out this post.

I also plan on singing "Come little children, I'll take thee away...into a land of enchantment. Come little children, the times come to play...here in my garden of magic" for the entire month of October.  Some may think it's creepy but I'm all about instilling movie classics at a very young age. And anyone who says Hocus Pocus isn't a classic, well...you should probably be cursed. "Twist the bones and bend the back..." I might mix it up from time to time and delight Mr. Landon with "I put a spell on you....and now you're mine!" But that's only when he's behaving extra good!

And now feast on my favorite picture thus far:

Between the good hair day and the orange polka dots, I feel like I'm really rockin that belly!
And now to the beloved questionnaire:

How far along? 23 weeks 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: Approximately 17lbs
Maternity clothes? Bad news bears, I officially only own ONE pair of pants that fit AND my maxi dresses are now too short due to the belly. I may have to succumb to the dreadful maternity clothes.
Stretch marks? Still lathering up in goo to prevent this madness
Sleep: On and off, depends on the day
 Best moment this week: Mr. Monk snuggling on my belly and Landon kicking. Mieko's ears went straight up and he stared at my belly with pure adorable confusion. 
 Have you told family and friends: Indeed.
Miss Anything? I really really miss sangria.
Movement: Nonstop. He's a wiggle worm.
Food cravings: Still lovin me some DQ heath bar blizzards!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Meat got to me again this week
Have you started to show yet: Rockin the belly <3
Gender prediction: Nothin' but love for my baby BOY!
Labor Signs: Keep these away for awhile, please and thanks.
Belly Button in or out? Well...it's not completely out. I give it another week or two though.
Wedding rings on or off? ON!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty darn HAPPY!
Looking forward to: This weekend is Cheers to B and I'm so excited to volunteer and see my second family and bestie <3

"Fare thee well, mortal busboy!"

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing out...

Friday, October 24, 2014

Another week has come and gone...

Amazing how fast these weeks go. Week 22 has come and gone in a blink of an eye. This week was full of baby shower planning and finishing our registry. Twas a fun week of shopping!!! I even found the most perfect dress & 2 pairs of shoes for my shower! Yes two, heels and flats, because lets face it, I'll probably only have the heels on for an hour. Mr. Landon has been quite the wiggle worm lately. Abuelita got to feel him kick for the first time today, she then proceeded to cry happy tears the whole way home. She's crazy but damn do we love her!

And now on to our weekly chalkboard & questionnaire:
22 weeks 6 days

How far along? 22 weeks and 6 days
Total weight gain/loss: I haven't weighed myself since the last doctors visit so we'll stick with 15lbs
Maternity clothes? HA! I went to get more scrubs and the largest size I could get without swimming in them was a small. The lady could NOT believe I was almost 6 months.
Stretch marks? Nada. Zip. Zero.
Sleep: It comes and goes, this week has been one of the better weeks.
 Best moment this week: Watching Abuelita get so excited over feeling Landon's kicks
 Have you told family and friends: Silly question now
Miss Anything? I could go for some sangria!
Movement: He's been a wiggle worm this week!
Food cravings: Sweets- Dairy Queen heath bar blizzards!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Just smells
Have you started to show yet: I have indeed. A lady at the mall the other day told me I had the cutest baby bump she'd ever seen. She then told me her plan to get super skinny before having a baby so she too could be all baby bump like me. She made me giggle quite a bit. Love nice people!
Gender prediction: BOY! BOY! BOY! I love BOY CLOTHES!!! Bow ties, suspenders, & boat shoes, OH MY!
Labor Signs: Had a scary few hours earlier this week with horrendous back spasms and abdominal cramping but Doc reassured me and told me to drink excessive amounts of water. Thankfully, that did the trick and it's been smooth sailing since.
Belly Button in or out? I have officially removed my belly ring today (I've had it in since I was 16!) and when I did I saw that belly button making its way out. It's only a matter of time.
Wedding rings on or off? ON!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: Getting the crib soon and painting the nursery! Can't wait to see all my ideas come to life!!!

Week 23 starts tomorrow so we'll see what fun stuff this week has in store for us!
Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Thursday, October 16, 2014

You know I'm all about that BUMP...

21 weeks 5 days

Look who is finally back on track with posting in a timely manner! Excuse the messy hair in the above picture, if you know me at all, you know I hate brushes. That being said, it's a good thing we're having a boy; I don't think I'd know what to do with a little girls head of hair. I can barely braid, true story, I blame my Mama because she never taught me but I know she'll claim I refused to learn (kinda like how I refuse to learn how to put on Thanksgiving dinner...because then I'm held responsible...no thanks!)

Well enough of that tangent...let's get to the usual questionnaire. I'm beginning to get a little bored with the same 'ol questions so any new ones y'all can think of, please send 'em my way!
How far along?  21 weeks 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: 15 lbs, yo. (103 to 118) Honestly, I don't think I can keep up with this weight gain. It's already doing a number on my back!
Maternity clothes? I considered buying maternity jeans and then I put on a pair of my stretchy pants and decided I can hold off for a few more weeks.
Stretch marks? Still holding on to hope of not getting those suckers
Sleep: Sucky. Pregnancy is preparing me for baby.
 Best moment this week: Booking flights for Aunt Ber to come to the baby shower & have her unleash her artistic abilities in Landon's room! CAN'T WAIT!!!
 Have you told family and friends: If you don't know the answer to this then please stop reading this blog (I kid, I kid)
Miss Anything? A good nights sleep. A day without back pain. 
Movement: A little bit every day.
Food cravings: I was really hoping to have some crazy cravings but I really don't. Sweets are my favorite, you know just working my way to gestational diabetes (insert laughter here because I say it jokingly)
Anything making you queasy or sick: Random yucky smells, like our garbage can right about now.
Have you started to show yet: See photo above.
Gender prediction: Beau <3
Labor Signs: We can keep these away for another 18ish weeks, thank you very much.
Belly Button in or out? Innie but starting to change a bit. Might have to remove the belly ring soon.
Wedding rings on or off? On!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! (Unless you disturb my nap)
Looking forward to: Painting the nursery with Aunt Ber & Grandma Gibby!

Well here's to another week down and another 18ish to go...

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...