Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Painful reality

Today was hard. The last few weeks have been hard.

I'm not one to post about my personal life, although sharing the ups and downs of pregnancy is pretty personal. But I mean the really deep stuff, like the life...and the death. 

My Dad has been battling Parkinson's for many years now. And while it's been a struggle for a few years, this year has really taken its toll. It's proved that even the strongest men can't always win the battle. Sadly, its a disease that truly takes away some of the simplest joys that many of us overlook. The ability to carry on a conversation or enjoying your favorite foods, the things we all take for granted. It's been a rough few months watching my father lose his ability to swallow, to talk, to move around on his own. He has always been a strong man, an athletic man, and witnessing those things falter has been emotionally draining. And while I feel drained, I can only imagine how he feels. It breaks my heart to know he has so much to say, so much to express, but his mind and body don't necessarily allow it. I feel his frustrations and his pain through his eyes. Those sparkly blue eyes with the endless crinkles from all the laughs, they're slowly beginning to fade. And its devastating. 

Today we made the decision to transition to hospice and it was hard. Really hard. The comfort I have from this decision is knowing that we're doing what he wants, what he requested many years ago. And while I know he hasn't lost the battle yet, I'm realistic enough to know his days are limited and I need to savor all of our moments together. We tell him stories of the good 'ol days and the smiles we get in return are what get me through the tough moments. But nothing will ever make this easier, nothing can prepare you for the finals weeks or days.

I wish I could say there was a purpose to this post- a message of hope but in reality it's simply my way of coping. Typing without reading what I'm saying is sometimes cathartic. So I'll leave you with this- enjoy every moment with your loved ones, I know we all say it but actually doing it is the important part. Cherish the good moments, forgive the bad ones and love unconditionally. It isn't always easy but it's always worth it.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Merry (belated) Christmas!!!

I feel slightly fancy as I type this from my new MacBook Pro. To say I'm spoiled by the Hubby is a slight understatement. I'm not even sure how I managed to get this, I don't even remember saying I wanted one...but damn is it slightly awesome. The fact that I can now prop up on the couch and watch tv while blogging, well that's just fan-freakin-tastic! Before I was isolated upstairs in the office with minimal human contact, I much prefer this set up.

Christmas has come and gone but the holiday spirit continues to live on with our twinkling Christmas tree and fabulous winter green smells through out the house. It took me forever to finally set up all the Christmas gear this year and now it's time to take it all down....why does it pass so quickly? working Christmas Eve and day didn't help, I feel like I hardly got to enjoy the magic of it all. But it will be worth it next year when I have it off and we celebrate Landon's first Christmas. I can't freaking wait!!!

For my beloved supporters, I should be getting my cd with baby shower pictures tomorrow so next blog post shall be filled with an abundance of baby bumps. Until then, I leave you with our weekly update:

 I seriously adore this picture! And the fact that it sorta kinda has Mieko Saki in it makes it that much better. Can we please talk about how AWESOME my scrub top is?

How far along? 31 weeks 5 days (in picture)
Total weight gain/loss: 22ish, we'll see what the Doc says at our appt next week
Maternity clothes? Rocking' the comfy waistbands on the reg
Stretch marks? Negatory, this belly is a beaut!
Sleep: Still sucky. I don't think it will ever return to normal
 Best moment this week: Spending Christmas evening with my Studly, Mieko Saki, Mommy & PB. So glad we got a little family time in after a long day of work.
Miss Anything? Sleep. A day without heartburn. Sleep.
Movement: All day, every day.
Food cravings: SPRINKLE COOKIES from Publix...every cookie tastes better and better.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing too terrible this week
Have you started to show yet: This belly is legit now.
Gender prediction: Mister <3
Labor Signs: Zero, Zip, Nada
Belly Button in or out? Rockin' the outtie and it feels funny!
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy but I've had my emotional meltdowns this week. BUT they were acceptable considering some of the circumstances. 
Looking forward to: A few days of relaxation....which I don't really see happening in the near future...but a girl can dream!

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Feelin' like a Pregasauraus

Look at me, actually on time for a post! Sadly, I don't have the baby shower pictures yet so for the few that keep asking- simmer down, they'll be up soon. I was planning on taking some pictures of the nursery but I have yet to receive the baby bedding so we shall wait for that too. And to continue adding to the excuses...my sweet husband passed on a miserable cold and all I've wanted to do is curl up in bed and sleep- which is impossible because I can't breathe. Clearly, I'm winning this week!

So after taking this weeks picture I officially feel HUGE! It's a huge that I gladly accept though. The only depressing thing is not being able to buy clothes during all the Christmas sales. I have no idea what preggo after effects will be like and I want that shit to fit. Sigh. Good news for Dennis though, our bank account is thankful for Mr. Landon.

And now for the usual business:

How far along? 30 weeks 4 days
Total weight gain/loss: 22 lbs (103 to 125)
Maternity clothes? Rockin' the longer (& oh so comfy) maternity shirts
Stretch marks? I have to admit, this belly is pretty glorious looking- aka no marks!
Sleep: Sucky! Stupid cold!
 Best moment this week: Christmas shopping with my Mommy <3
Miss Anything? Sleep.
Movement: All day, every day.
Food cravings: SPRINKLE COOKIES from Publix. Mmmm
Anything making you queasy or sick: Tonight's dinner sure did. I stood over the bushes in the parking lot for a few minutes on the cusp of puking it all up. #SoOverIt
Have you started to show yet: I'm HUGE (in this picture)
Gender prediction: Mister <3
Labor Signs: Zero, Zip, Nada
Belly Button in or out? Rockin' the outtie
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: According to the man in the post office today I was "raging hormones". To excuse myself I'd like to say it was EXTREMELY hot in there and I was having a mild meltdown. haha
Looking forward to: I suppose Christmas even though I'll be stuck working. I'm pumped for Studly to open his BIG gift. Pretty sure he's gonna love it and that makes me oh so excited!

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...

Friday, December 12, 2014

After much demand...

Well...that was quite a sabbatical. Good news is I had numerous requests for a Landon update which means people actually read this thing, who knew? I'm making this short and sweet and loaded with pictures because...
A: I'm tired and pictures are easier.
B: I have to go back to work in the morning which means I should start sleeping now since Landon will for sure wake me up at 2am for his nightly dance party.
C: I'm mainly just too lazy to be witty tonight.

Week 27- Thanksgiving with John & Lindsay was a huge success. Loved having them here! And here are a few family pictures because Lindsay couldn't stop snapping away <3
27 weeks 5 days

Week 28
28 weeks 6 days

And finally Week 29
29 weeks 6 days (Post work selfie)

Please be kind to the awful picture above. This was post a 12 hour shift along with being up since 2 am. 

How far along? Today marks the end of 29 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 21 lbs (103-124)
Maternity clothes? Old Navy maternity section became my favorite place. I needed new shirts because this belly is making everything extra short.
Stretch marks? Still going strong without any
Sleep: Awful. Landon likes to have 2 am dance parties on a nightly basis. Of course its almost ALWAYS before I work. Running on fumes lately.
 Best moment this week: Honestly, the last few weeks has just been full of family time and fun! We had Thanksgiving and then the baby shower which was beautiful and painting the nursery with my seesters and Mama in Law. So I guess just the memories of all that
Miss Anything? I stupidly had the tiniest little sip of Papa Bear's sangria at Carrabas and dear god did that make me miss it that much more. What was I thinking?
Movement: All the time but mostly when I'm nice and calm.
Food cravings: Publix sprinkle cookies. I've wanted them for the last 2 days. Hopefully I get my fix tomorrow.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Eh, I've been pretty good lately.
Symptoms: Reflux...ugh!
Have you started to show yet: All belly!
Gender prediction: Our baby boy <3
Labor Signs: Keep em away!
Belly Button in or out? That baby is OUT!
Wedding rings on or off? On!
Happy or Moody most of the time: I have come to realize that my patience is completely GONE! I'm mainly happy but when things annoy me...it's no bueno.
Looking forward to: Finishing up the nursery! It looks absolutely amazing right now and I'll be posting pictures soon. Maybe next post I'll have pictures back from the baby shower as well.

Until next time...

Mama Bear signing off...