My favorite fireman

Every year I have this overwhelming need to stay awake on this particular night. So many parts of me want to just drift off to sleep and gracefully move past the wee hours in the morning when four years ago I held his hand for the last time. But my heart and my mind just won't let my body do it. Maybe it's my way of truly remembering the pain, as well as the relief. That sounds negative but it's far from it. When my Dad passed I felt a huge weight lifted for one simple reason, he wasn't in pain anymore. For years he suffered physically but the mental toll Parkinson's took was far worse to watch. So in the early morning hours as we gathered around him saying our goodbyes, he finally escaped the discomfort and found relief.

On January 6, 2015, I lost family members due to their callous disregard for others. On January 7, 2015, I lost my Dad. Two days, two significant changes in my life. One taught me the true meaning of family while the other taught me how grateful I am for life and beautiful memories.

Four years have come and gone and while some days are easy, others are far from it. Today is one of them.

I miss so much about him but what makes my heart hurt the most is him never having the chance to meet his grandbabies. But I can happily say Landon knows who his Pop Pop is and will casually bring him up in conversation. Just the other day he said "Mama, Everly is wearing firetruck pjs because Pop Pop in heaven was a fireman! That is so cool!"

So to my favorite fireman, here's to you flying high, pain-free, and knowing how much you are loved and missed <3