I was thinking the other night about how people think of their "word of the year". I've never done it before because...well probably because I'm too lazy to put that much effort in dictating what my year will be 🤣 I'm usually one to just let things happen and go with the flow of it all. Picking one word seemed like I was closing myself off to the possibilities. I realize it's just a word but the sentiment behind it is more than that. As I was lying in bed letting my mind race, I thought maybe narrowing it down to one word would be beneficial for me because it could allow me to focus on making this one thing tangible versus letting my mind bounce from topic to topic and stress out over little (& big) things.
So as I thought about it, the one that always came to mind was 'SURVIVE'. In my current situation, it seems obvious, surviving the next year, surviving the storm I'm currently facing. But it just seemed too obvious of a choice. If I'm going to do this, I need to do it with full conviction and get in-depth with my word choice.
Lately, I've been feeling duped, like I've been fooled. I was with someone for nine years and now I feel like I don't know that person. Some days I feel like I am left with a shell of a person when we interact. It's incredibly sad and disappointing and so I feel like a fool, it's taken a lot of thinking to realize I am far from it. Allowing someone so intimately into your life is not foolish, it's brave. Vulnerability is scary and can lead to pain but it can also lead to so much happiness. Isn't that the purpose of life, to let people in, to cultivate beautiful relationships so you aren't walking through it alone. I tend to be an open book once you get to know me and I'm coming to terms that it's not my job to get someone else to be vulnerable and willing to share their deepest desires, hopes, dreams, and fears. That has to happen on their own accord.
But that got me thinking...you truly don't know anyone but yourself. And even then, some people go through life not even really knowing themselves. While I feel like I have a good idea of the person I am, who I want to be, I feel like there is always room to figure out more. To learn more about myself.
With that being said, I've decided my word for 2019 will be...drum roll...
DISCOVER
It will be a year to discover more about myself, diving into my strengths and weaknesses. Discovering what's next. Discovering a new job. Discovering a new way of life. Discovering new places. Discovering new friendships. Discovering a new norm. Discovering my purpose for the future.
We might be a few months into the year but this right here, this is my new beginning. Here's to discovering a world of endless possibilities.
