Nothing has changed but for some reason a single comment made me reel with overwhelming emotions. Once again, I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve been told time and time again to live in the moment, don’t stress about the future that hasn’t happened, what I’m stressing about may not even happen, and the list goes on. But what if...
Truth is, I feel like if I don’t mentally prepare myself, when (if) the time comes I’ll fall apart.
Lately I have felt ok, not wonderful, but not terrible. I don’t feel overwhelmingly sad on a daily basis anymore and for that I am so thankful. Someone recently compared their life to groundhogs day, saying it’s the same, day in and day out, and that’s exactly how I feel. Like I’m stuck in a rut but instead of actively trying to get out of it, I just stay here. I stay in the stillness and monotony because I’m afraid of what’s next.
There are things I know I should do. I think they would improve my life, my feelings, my overall health...yet I don’t do them.
I wish I could come up with some good reason but the truth is, it would just be another excuse. So perhaps this is some form of self sabotage. Perhaps this is still mild depression that hasn’t left me yet. Perhaps it’s just all in my head tonight because of a single comment that derailed me.
Or perhaps it’s all of that.
