How many times do I have to hear that I need to let go of being disappointed by one person time and time again before it sinks in? How many times do I have to tell myself that someone else shouldn't dictate my emotions? How many times do I have to remind myself of everything I have to be grateful for?
We hear the phrase "you choose your attitude"...or your happiness...or your mindset...or your perspective...
And I get it, if you want to be happy, then make yourself happy, but shit, can't we all admit that sometimes that's fucking hard to do. I didn't wake up feeling like this but over the course of the morning, things happened that brought me down. I realize I have the power to change it but I would be lying if I said it's an easy task.
Little moments, insignificant comments, the smallest actions...so many things make me question a huge part of my life. And today I feel like the last nine years of my life was a lie. Irrational? Yes. But it's still the feeling that is overwhelming my body in this given moment.
So while my brain is fully aware of the stages of grief and the fact that there is no timeline for each stage, you may visit some more than once, and you may stay in some longer than you'd like...I just wish I could be in the acceptance stage and get over it. Move on. Stop dwelling.
And so I put on a shirt and will myself to believe it. Today it isn't working but maybe tomorrow it will.
