But some days I want to say I’m angry. Some days I want to say I’m terribly sad. Some days I want to say I’m beyond happy. Because the truth is, every single day I feel different. Some days I wake up so happy and by the end of the day it’s taking everything in me to hold back tears. I know that’s all normal and I know I have so many people that I can be brutally honest with and sometimes I am. But sometimes it’s just easier to say “I’m alright, doing the best I can considering the circumstances.”
Today I took a drive out to Breckenridge to pick up an art piece we ordered months ago. I think I cried 3/4 of the drive there, every song made my eyes fill up. It wasn’t necessarily all sad tears, although there were some, but more of a release of so many emotions. I’ve held it together lately but this drive, picking up a piece we’ve both been wanting for awhile, knowing only one of us will enjoy it— seems so silly but it just hurt my heart.
It didn’t help that I was completely alone with my thoughts and that usually stirs up a bunch of crazy emotions. Most of the time I have my babies with me and I try not to fall apart too much with them around because I want them to be filled with happiness and laughter and love as often as possible.
Today I decided to stop and take it all in. On top of my car, breathing in the fresh mountain air, taking in the beauty that surrounds me, I’m trying to remind myself that this life I’m living is the only one I got. It’s going to be hard some days and easy others but every single day it’s going to be exactly how it’s supposed to be. I’m trying so hard to let go of the ‘this is how life SHOULD be’ mentality and realize this is what my life IS so enjoy the hell out of it every chance I get. They say the hardest times bring you to the greatest joy. So I’m maintaining faith, it will all be worth it in the end.
You are amazing.
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